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Hot & Cold: Dealing with Passive Aggressive Behaviour at Work & Uni
Working in groups is rarely straightforward—whether it’s tackling dreaded group assignments with classmates or collaborating on projects at work, challenges are bound to arise.
With so many different personalities in one team, conflicts and disagreements are almost inevitable. Sometimes, these issues are quickly resolved through open discussion or even heated debates. Other times, however, underlying resentment or a stubborn attitude can lead to passive-aggressive behaviour.
Passive-aggressiveness is when someone expresses negative emotions like anger, irritation, or disappointment indirectly—without saying it outright.
This behaviour, also known as concealed aggression, is more about what a person doesn’t do rather than what they do. Instead of being upfront about their feelings, someone may resort to:
- Avoidance: Ignoring certain topics or people altogether, refusing to engage. (Important to note: this is different from genuine miscommunication or forgetfulness.)
- Silence: Commonly known as the “silent treatment,” this involves refusing to speak or interact unless absolutely necessary—often used to signal displeasure.
- Sarcasm & Subtle Remarks: Making sly comments, jokes, or digs that undermine someone else. These remarks are often disguised as humor, making them difficult to call out directly.
- Weaponised Kindness: Going out of their way to help, only to later make pointed remarks about carrying extra responsibility.
- Weaponised Incompetence: Pretending not to know how to do something, or deliberately doing a poor job, to avoid responsibilities or punish the person assigning the task. (This is different from genuinely lacking the skills or knowledge.)
While it may seem petty or mean-spirited, passive-aggressive behaviour isn’t always intentional. Some people unconsciously use it as a way to avoid open conflict, thinking it helps maintain peace. Others may be fully aware of their actions but justify their behaviour rather than admit to it.
Over time, though, this pattern can harm relationships, erode trust, and disrupt communication—especially if it’s done deliberately.
If you’re dealing with passive-aggressive behaviour, here are some approaches that might help:
- Communicate: Address the situation directly and calmly. Share how their behaviour makes you feel and, if necessary, apologise for any misunderstandings. This can create a chance to clear the air. If they still refuse to engage, then…
- Ignore It: Some people act this way to provoke a reaction. By not responding, you deny them the satisfaction of seeing their behaviour impact you. Stay calm and carry on normally. If it begins to interfere with your work or shared responsibilities, though…
- Set Boundaries: Establish limits on how much you’ll tolerate. For example, if someone keeps giving you the silent treatment, you might stop reaching out after a certain point. You can also choose to distance yourself until they acknowledge their behaviour.
Dealing with passive-aggressiveness isn’t always pleasant, but don’t let it discourage you. Most of the time, staying polite, professional, and composed is enough to handle it effectively. Remember, this behaviour reflects more on the other person’s attitude than on your own.
